


Paths

by durin



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Eren Yeager is a Little Shit, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Lots and LOTS of retrospection, Reader grew up with the main cast in the military, Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan Manga Spoilers, Slow Build, but I still love him, but I'm always simping for eren, cold hearted reader-chan, from freenemies to... well, lots of death, mikasa not being too overprotective, snk boys are my life
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-19
Updated: 2021-01-14
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:08:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 17,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28175922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/durin/pseuds/durin
Summary: All these events lead you to an outcome all of you dreaded. You wondered how your decisions influenced the upcoming future. Maybe if you ever told him how much he meant to you, just maybe none of this would've happened.
Relationships: Eren Yeager/Reader
Comments: 21
Kudos: 136





	1. old memories

**Author's Note:**

> ahhhh it's almost the end of the manga and the final season just started and I am sooo excited for this! This will have some spoilers from the manga, you have been warned!

**It all happened too fast. At one moment you swore the little girl shot his head off. Right after that the walls started to crumble down, a huge army of Colossal Titans emerging from them. Jean managed to grab you before falling, holding onto you for dear life. He was saying something to you, but you were too preoccupied by watching the scene in front of you unfold.**

**Watching in horror, you thought about how all of this would've never happened if you just acknowledged your feelings back then.**

**YEAR 853, MARLEY PORT**

A light breeze hit your face as you were leaning forward against the boat's fence. You looked below you, watching how the boat's moving made mini waves behind it. The sun was just about to set, leaving a breathtaking scenery for your eyes to awe upon.

"Wow! Look at how huge those houses are!" Sasha beamed next to you as you were closely approaching the continent of Marley. She was right, unlike at Paradis it probably had ten times more people living there. "We are the first people from inside the walls to lay foot on the territory outside the walls..." She trailed off, her innocent gaze locking with your slightly petrified one. You knew how bold she was most of the time, but saying such a thing basically on the _'enemy's'_ territory, it was crazy even for her.

"Sasha! I told you not to use words as _'outside'_ and _'walls_ ' in the same sentence!" Jean, who was standing next to you scolded her. Even though it was a whisper, you frantically turned your head around, just to be sure no one was passing by to hear your conversation.

"I'm surprised Connie isn't the one who blurted out something like that," You leaned in just a little bit more to look at the said man on your left, since he was standing next to Jean. But he was lost in his thoughts, whispering unintelligible words under his breath. "Uh, you okay there Connie?"

"Agh! There’s so many of them, I lost count!" He grabbed his head in frustration, making the blonde on your right chuckle lightly.

"At least they’re having fun, like the usual." Armin pointed out, looking at the trio next to you two. Jean was scolding Connie now, telling him that he should be more subtle with his words, just like Sasha was supposed to. Looking at the three of them, images of three years ago started roaming through your head. From the day you graduated from the 104th Training Corpse all the way to that fateful day you visited the ocean for the first time. You remembered how happy you were that all of those tales Armin told you about, your father once told you about, were true. You tasted _‘freedom’_. If you could call _that_ freedom.

Even though all of you felt nothing but eternal happiness for that particular one hour, even Captain Levi was thrilled, yet he didn’t show it, the one person who always talked about how people shouldn’t be trapped behind the walls, showed an emotion you were least expecting.

Turning your head to look at Armin, your gaze instinctively fell on a certain person not far away from you. Those emerald eyes of his starred at the view in front of him. Like he was lost in his own sea of mixed thoughts. Not long ago you could’ve read him like an open book, but this side of him was something new to you. It felt alien like.

"Yeah." You approved of Armin’s words, still looking at the man who lately became one of the sources in your list of endless, sleepless nights.

**…**

The first thought that came to your mind when you first step foot on the continent of Marley was – how the hell were these people and their technology way ahead of the ones back at Paradis. They had lumps of iron on four wheels called ‘cars’ to travel with which were handled easily, unlike how you failed numerous times while trying to handle your first horse. Those were fun times.

You watched in amusement as Sasha and Connie bought carrots to feed the car with them, totally oblivious at the deadly glare Levi was sending them. As most of the group tried to stop them from embarrassing themselves any further, the scene felt so refreshing on your hand. A lot of things happened lately and moments like these were what you missed the most.

And for every moment that felt nostalgic, you smiled.

"What are you so happy for?" A voice next to you stopped your train of thoughts. Your head tuned around, neck slightly craning up to get a better view of his face.

"We’re finally outside, I thought that out of everyone you’d be the most enthusiastic one," His eyes were still not locked with yours. "Cheer up, Yeager, don’t be such a downer." Just when you tugged at his suit did his eyes fell on your form. In the past, it was easy for you to keep eye contact with him, but now, since he grew and the two of you weren’t in level with each other anymore, it was a pain in the ass for your posture. Maybe it was your fault, lately you’ve caught yourself starring at him more often for your liking.

His eyes bore into yours, an emotion behind them you couldn’t decipher. The more you starred into them, the more you noticed the skin under his eyes was all wrinkled. Wasn't he too young for wrinkles? Not to mention those bags, they were worse than yours. Did he have trouble sleeping at night just like you? No shit if that was true. For the past few years, you’ve lost so many important people to you, regret became a daily basis emotion for you, even though you tried to shut it out many times. Some moral verticals that your family once taught you could never be pulled out from the roots.

Eren probably felt like that, he probably accused himself of the deaths, that they were caused by him. It started appearing ever since he found out about his Titan shifting power. Since then, your priority and the rest of your group's priority was to keep him safe.

Although, you’d be lying if you didn’t wake up a hundred of times with nightmares of your fallen comrades. Flashing images of their corpses standing in front of you, the smell of blood so fresh it felt like you were actually there again.

Eren was the first one to break the contact. "That dress," He looked you up and down, his stern gaze back to lock eyes with you again. "It looks good on you, you should wear them more often." 

Your eyes blinked at the sudden confession. This wasn't the first time you got a compliment from him, but why did you feel so embarrassed right now? Was it because just for a second you noticed his eyes flicker with an emotion unknown to you? 

"I..." That look in his eyes was still present and looking at him for too long made all the blood from your body rush to your face. "Thank you... for noticing." The floor suddenly became more interesting to you. If you spent one more second looking him in the eyes, you'd probably do something that you would regret later.

Noticing from your actions that what he said was something he wasn't supposed to, he started to walk away, with no words left to say. You watched him re-group with the rest of your friends. With each encounter, he was confusing you, he was changing and you tried not to notice it. But it was there, the evidence was there right in front of you.

What happened to the Eren you first met?

**YEAR 847, 104 TH TRAINING CORPS, SOUTHERN DIVISION**

If anyone ever told you that your first day of joining the Military would be like this, you’d tell them they were crazy. But here you were, listening to all the insults Instructor Shadis was bombarding everyone with. A lot of people were taken back by his words, most of them, some were head-butted, some were told to pack their bags and leave immediately.

What piqued your interest the most, some weren’t even confronted at all. You wondered about how their faces looked like when he passed by them. Maybe he saw something in them and furthermore pressing them with such questions would be a waste of time.

"You, girly! State your name!"

So why was he so optimistic that he could break you?

You placed your right hand against your chest and your left one behind your back. "[F/N] [L/N] from Krolva District at your service, sir!"

"What’s a low life from Krolva like you looking for in the Military?!"

"I want to help humanity regain the lands we lost!"

"Don’t make me laugh! You’ll be food for those things even before you see what the outside looks like!" He mocked you, but you were better than falling for his low provocations.

"I’m capable enough to survive, that I promise you!" By now you could tell that a lot of people were looking your way, probably thinking that you were a crazy person. All of a sudden you were grabbed by the collar of your high-neck shirt that you wore under your uniform. Trying to remain composed, your eyes were met with Shadis’s deadly gaze.

"Are you mocking the deaths of all the people who died fighting for our freedom?" He was looking at you like you murdered his entire family. "Cadet, I’ve seen many people, more _‘capable’_ than you are now, fighting to their last breaths, yet they’re not walking these grounds anymore," He brought his face closer to yours, but you still wore the same cold expression. "If you, a little lady from the inner walls, never once saw what those things look like and how easily they can stomp you, don’t spout fucking nonsense, or I will show you what I mean first hand."

Your gaze fell down, this man was serious, you were sure of that. But then you whispered something only he could hear, words that even caught him off guard. "I’m not making fun of anyone. I just want to see what’s behind that damn wall."

Shadis’s gaze darkened as he let go of you. The man literally threatened you with your life on the stake and yet you had the. And by the looks of it, he wasn’t fucking joking with you. You heard his footsteps fading away from you, his voice calling out another soldier. "State your name, Cadet!"

"Marco Bodt, sir! From Jinae!"

Cadet after cadet, at the time when all of them introduced themselves it was already past noon. The bell at the watch tower rang, indicating that lunch was almost ready. As you walked up the stairs towards the canteen, one of the boys’ words caught your attention. "Man, that Potato Girl, she’s still runnin’." You remembered him as Connie Springer, that one air-head that saluted the wrong way. When Shadis lifted him off the ground by his head, you thought that he was going to gauge his eyes out by holding him like that.

Looking in the distance you were surprised that she was still able to run. "It’s been five hours straight now. Just wow." One of the boys who never introduced himself stated. As if he noticed you were looking his way, his head turned to the side, emerald eyes locking with your [E/C] ones. He quickly turned his gaze back at the running girl.

"I do remember Dauper being a village populated with hunters inside the mountains." Connie stated as you also looked back at her. Going back at the moment when she shamelessly ate the boiled potato in front of Shadis, you couldn’t comprehend if she was brave or stupid. Or maybe both. The whole thing about running didn’t seem to faze her at all, quite as much when she was told to skip lunch.

"No way, you two are from Shiganshina?!" You looked at the group of boys from the corner of your eyes, pretending that you weren’t listening in the conversation, but this detail even piqued your interests. "Did you get to see the Colossal Titan?!"

That was the case. Shadis probably knew something that a lot of you didn’t, that’s why he didn’t want to pester them with such questions.

"Yeah," He trailed off, looking at you again, who was still leaning against the fence. The group entered the canteen, but he was the only one standing there, wondering why you weren’t entering also.

"Eren, are you going in?" Armin called behind him, but the brunette just shook his head. Armin looked behind his friend’s back, noticing that you were still standing there. "Don’t take too long." And with that he was gone.

When the fence quivered under your elbows, your head slightly turned. Eyes filled with surprise when you noticed the brunette, you wondered why he stayed with you. "Aren't you afraid all the food's gonna get eaten?" You shook your head at his question, not really interested in starting a conversation in the first place. Turning your head around, you tried looking for the running girl but she was probably somewhere far away for your eyes to see. 

"You should eat something, even if you don't feel like it, you'll need the energy." It was simple for you, if you didn't feel the urge to eat at the moment, then you just wouldn't eat. Even if you felt hungry later on before the next appointed meal, you'd just wait patiently, no matter how hungry you were. 

"Aren't you supposed to be concerned more about yourself?" Head resting against your palm, you looked at him from the corner of your eyes. "I still have a decent place to live once I graduate from here. Knowing where you're from, I doubt that you do."

He was taken back by your words, not expecting you to be so bold. Were just listening in on their conversation? To him it looked like you were in your own thoughts. "If you're so determined to go back to where you were before, why did you even join in the first place?" 

Before you could answer back, he continued. "I heard you said you wanted to get back the lands beyond our reach, the ones that got taken from us," He turned, his body fully facing you now. "You want to join the Corps, right? What makes you think that once you leave for an expedition that you'll return home to your family?" 

Pushing your body from the fence, you took a step forward, standing close to him. If he had a limit for personal space, then it would be someone not leaning close to his face like you were now. "Just because you got spared at the introductions, unlike me," You leaned closer, leaning your forehead against his. "It doesn't give you the right to assume that I haven't been through some crazy shit in my life." Venom dripped from your voice and it actually made Eren's heart race in slight fear. Drawing back your gazes lingered on each others for a while until you turned around and started walking away.

"One day, I'd like you to tell me everything." The breath you were about to take hitched in your throat. "For whom you're willing to risk your life, then maybe I'll try to protect it from anything that gets in your way in tasting freedom." His eyes sparked in determination, all the emotions he was trying to pent up, or maybe he out growed since that day, you could see them. 

He felt so fragile, so honest. 

But still-

* * *

"[F/N], we're leaving, don't stay behind." Jean called after you, waking you up from your daydreaming. The scenery changed as you were brought back to the Continent of Marley. 

The first time you met Eren, it was long ago. But...

"Sorry, I just remembered something."

At that time, if you followed his words and told him your biggest dreams, could he still give you the freedom you always ached for? 


	2. jealousy

**YEAR 852, SHIGASHINA DISTRICT**

"Come on maggots! Who told you to stop?! If I see one more soldier falling behind I'll make them run for two days straight! With no breaks, not even for pissing or shitting!" 

Sitting on a bench you sighed for the millionth time today. The new trainees were a mess, not even knowing what kind of horrors the outside was preparing for them. For the past two years it has been peaceful for the people at Paradis, not once has the Government of Marley set out a single Titan. Maybe that wasn't such a good thing for the new soldiers-to-be, because the real battle was just about to begin.

"On duty again, huh?" Your head turned around, eyes meeting those of Eren Yeager's. He was dressed casually in that coffee white shirt, black jeans and that black hoodie he always wore ever since you were kids. You figured out that he really liked that kind of design, because he probably out grew the ones before. Did he have his own dressmaker?

"Busy woman, what can I say," You smiled playfully as he took a seat next to you. "Bet I can't say the same for you. Where are you heading to?" Even before, you noticed how long his hair grew, but when he was standing this close to you were you able to tell how long it _actually_ was. The bangs fell on his face perfectly, giving him a more feral look. Nevertheless, you had to admit it looked good on him.

"I was just walking around. It's been a while since I last visited this place," He was looking at the soldiers who were sparring on the training grounds. Shadis was yelling at them most of the time and you thanked God that he hasn't called you for backup yet. 

Giving him a sideways look, you leaned in a bit, trying to get a better view of the expression he was wearing. "Or were you looking for me again, but you just don't want to admit it," His eyes now peered into yours, his scowl deepening at your teasing tone. Eren didn't like it when you tried to read him all the time and you were aware of it, but you just couldn't help yourself; you liked this side of him, that mysterious gleam in his eyes, it's what drew you so close to him lately. But when his eyes turned their attention back at the trainees, you pouted, not fully satisfied with his reaction.

"Do you remember when I asked if you could teach me those moves of yours back when we were cadets?" Changing the subject, Eren shifted in his seat, the palms of his hands spread at each side as he tried to find a more comfortable position. "From that day when you used them during training, you've been showing them off constantly, I had a feeling you were rubbing it in my face all the time."

You slightly laughed at the memory. "I wasn't doing that at all! Did you miss the part where I almost broke Bertholdt's nose back then?" At the mention of the name, your eyes widened a bit. "I'm sorry... I got carried away." Averting your gaze you looked back at Shadis who was now scolding some girl who was probably slacking off. It all looked so familiar to you.

Weren't you like that back at the days? If not even worse.

**YEAR 847, TRAINING CORPS**

Walking around the training grounds, you tried to blend in, in order to not get noticed by Shadis. Once again you were skipping in hand-to-hand combat. It’s not that you hated it, you just found it unimportant; particularly for yourself. Looking around at the people who were currently sparring, you noticed that you weren’t the only one ignoring this training session, but one pairing caught your eye.

It was Eren and Annie. You noticed how for the past few days he’s been pestering her to teach him a few tricks. Honestly you had to admit, he was getting better at it each passing day. While you were walking, eyes fixed on the two of them, you bumped into someone, stopping you in your tracks. Craning your head to get a better look at the stranger, you weren’t surprised by the familiar scowl.

"You’re slacking off again," Bertholdt’s calm voice whispered only for you to hear. "How long are you going to pull this off until Shadis notices what you’re doing?"

Bertholdt Hoover, out of all people at the Southern section, he’s the only person who you can call a _'friend'_. Maybe because of the way he already wanted to help you on your second day by volunteering when you had problems with the 3D gear. Which was good because you weren’t the type to ask anybody for help regarding anything.

"If he didn’t notice it for a week straight, there's no way he will now," You were startled when he placed his hands on your shoulders. "W-what are you doing?" You stammered, trying to get out of his hold, but to no avail. Compared to his height and yours, the man was a giant.

He started dragging you with him. "Stop being so reckless. He’s going to kick you out for being like that and what then? As a comrade I can’t let you do that," He tugged at your shirt but you were still standing in place, your entire upper body was leaning backwards and your knees were bending a bit, trying to keep your balance as well as to push away from him. "Damn it! How are you so freaking tough?!"

"You two! Hoover and [L/N]!” The two of you immediately shot your heads from where the voice came from. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing, Hoover?"

Bertholdt gulped, not understanding why he was only referring to him. "I-I was suggesting for [L/N] to spar with Leonhardt, since Yeager and h-her had only been sparring with each other for the past few days." He defended you, but if anyone saw how he was literally trying to _forcefully drag_ you away, that excuse wouldn't pass that easily. 

Shadis's stern gaze fell on you now, who was gently letting go of Bertholdt now. "That's weird," He mockingly laughed and took a step forward. "Considering that she's been avoiding this type of training for the last few days," Eyes widening at his words, your head fell down, feeling his presence in front of you now. "What's gotten into that empty little head of hers... was it something you told her? Huh, Hoover?" You flinched when he raised his voice in the end. You damn well knew he wasn't referring to him. He was still towering over you, you could feel his eyes on you, probably burning holes at the top of your head. 

Here you thought that you could escape from him, but this man was following your every move, not saying a thing. Until now that is.

"N-No! I didn't notice her skipping, I swear sir!" 

His eyes were still starring at the top of your head and you didn't dare look up. "The two of you will show us what you learned for the past few days. Against each other, of course," He started walking away. "[L/N], if you manage to knock Hoover down, all of this will go unnoticed. On the contrary, you'll receive your punishment." He passed Bertholdt but not before warning him. "Don't dare hold back, or you're punishment is going to be worse."

Bertholdt's gaze fell on your form, you were still looking at the ground below you. How could he not hold back? You were smaller than him, in both size and build. But who knows what could Shadis do to him if he held back against you, the worst case scenario would be kicking him out the Military team. 

If that happened, then-

"I'm sorry, [F/N]," He took his stance, waiting for you to do the same.

All eyes were on you, you could tell from the pressure of the situation. Even though you tried hard not to put any kind of attention on yourself, it came back at you like a boomerang. Closing your eyes you inhaled deeply while raising your head up. Placing your hands in front of you, you put your right leg behind you, twisting it in a 90 degree position, while your left foot was in front of you. Exhaling, you clenched your fists, ready for whatever was coming your way.

One thing passed through your and Bertholdt's heads at the same time and both of you were going to fight for it.

Bertholdt was the first one to launch himself at you, which you easily dodged by side stepping to your right. You took the opening to round-house kick him, but he read your movement and quickly turned, grabbing your foot with ease and yanking it forward. While falling, you tried to think of a way to gain your balance, because once your back touched the ground, it was over for you. Just before it happened, you stretched your arms behind your head. When you felt soil on your palms you jerked your foot back out of his hold, almost hitting him in the chin by the sudden movement. Pushing your upper body with your arms, you were able to regain your balance again as you twisted your entire body until your feet touched the ground again. Getting back in your fighting stance, you placed your hands in front of you, reminding Bertholdt that you weren't that easy to break.

The tall man looked at you in awe. Just now he wasn't holding back against you and you easily put up a fight against him, even though he was seemingly stronger than you. His tongue clicked when you mockingly motioned with your hand to come at you again. Which he actually did, but what you pulled up next was the least he was expecting. 

Charging himself at you, he delivered a few combined kicks and punches which you all blocked or dodged with ease. Just when he thought you couldn't dodge his last punch, you managed to duck and side step to your left. Bending your knee all the way to your head, you outstretched your leg again, delivering an axed kick to his face. The heel of your foot connected with the bridge of his nose, the veins underneath the skin breaking since there was already a visible trail of blood dripping from it. Ignoring the gasps around you, you swept his feet with the same leg you kicked him with. With a loud thud his back came in contact with the ground, but you didn't give him any room at all as you towered above him, grabbing him by the collar of his shirt and yanking him up. Clenching your fist you were about to deliver the final blow.

_"This is how you finish it off-"_

Eyes widening, you let go of him, quickly backing away. Your head turned around frantically, looking at the various faces who found it more amusing to watch the two of you then to spar on their own. Hearing a grunting noise beneath you, you noticed that Bertholdt was trying to comprehend what just happened now. He was scratching the back of his neck and that's when you noticed the black and purple mark that was slowly forming above his nose.

The bell on the watch tower started to ring, indicating that it was time for lunch. "Okay maggots! After lunch we'll continue the same training only with guns!" Shadis's voice roared for the entire battlefield to hear him, the soldiers scattering away from the scene in an instant. 

Placing your left hand on your right hand's forearm, you opened the palm of your hand, intensely starring at it. A light breeze passed, swaying the strands of loose hair that somehow managed to escape your messily tied ponytail. The pressure on your forearm tightened when you started gripping it. 

"Hey," A much bigger hand was placed in your still opened palm. "Your arms are all bruised up," You looked up, your eyes meeting Bertholdt's green ones. "Let me help you out."

**...**

Siting on his bed, Bertholdt patiently waited for you to come back. He was nervously fidgeting with his fingers, still not sure if you were angry at him or not. From the look on your face it didn't seem like that, but when he tried to help you, you refused by jerking your arm back from his hold. 

In the end, both of you didn't receive the worst punishments ever. You just had to skip lunch and dinner for today which wasn't such a big deal. At first Shadis thought that he was holding back against you, but when he saw the bruises on your forearms from the time when you tried to block his hits, he _really_ gave his bestto win. 

The door to his room creaked open, revealing that you still wore the same high-necked shirt and white jeans. Minus the boots and the uniform. You were carrying a white cloth and a glass bottle filled with a transparent liquid, but it didn't look like water. He could smell the bitterness from meters away. Closing the door behind you, you started walking towards him, the wooden floor beneath you creaking by each step. This place was probably built the same age as the walls were. You stopped in your tracks, slightly towering over the black haired man. Even when he was sitting, you still looked so tiny next to him. For a girl your age who just got over her first phase of puberty your height was just above average. But compared to him, you were a mouse, the funniest thing was he was probably the same age as yours.

Bending just a bit down, you looked at the swollen bruise between his eyebrows. A bit of skin was scraped from it, you could see it from the dried smudges of blood around it. You crouched down and sat on your knees, gently grabbing the back of his neck to lean his head closer to you. He just followed your actions, even though the position was a bit awkward for him. Grabbing the bottle of alcohol and the white cloth with your free hand, you twisted the lid and soaked the cloth with the liquid. "Close your eyes," You commanded to which Bertholdt nodded his head before doing so. Hovering with the cloth over the bruise, you noticed how his nose slightly scrunched from the scent "This will sting." You gently placed it over his wound, being careful to not push too hard.

He hissed at the burning sensation, drawing shallow breaths through his nose. This wasn't his first time getting beaten up. Recalling his training sessions with Annie and Reiner back at Marley, he got used to being everyone's' punching bag. But after loosing so many times, he started to train during his free time which ended in greater results even he couldn't imagine. That success brought him all the way here, where he was now.

On an island, trying to wipe the faces of their enemies from the Earth. 

And now, his wounds were getting cleaned up by the same enemy who won in a match against him.

How cynical life could be some times.

Watching you closely while you were cleaning his wound, he wondered why he wanted to help you a week ago. Maybe it was just his generous side trying to aid you when he noticed you had trouble with fixing your 3D gear, the way your tongue poked out at the corner of your lips when you tried to concentrate on something, just like it was now, while your mind was fixated on one thing. You probably didn't notice that cute habit of yours. 

Did he just think that you were cute? 

Well he couldn't deny it, albeit of your cold demeanor and expression you always wore, anybody else would find this domestic side of yours adorable. 

"Why?" The question startled him, embarrassing him from his previous thoughts of you that rummaged through his brain. His eyes tried to find yours, but you were looking at any spot on his face in order to avoid locking eyes with him. 

"Why what?" He questioned as you retreated your clothed hand back, but the burning sensation still lingered. Noticing that you placed your hand in the pocket of your jeans, he was surprised when you pulled out a tin box. Twisting the lid you placed your pinky finger in, grabbing some of the ointment with your nail. When you gently tapped the ointment on his bruise, he winced once again. Damn, your kicks were something else. 

"I never ask for your help, but somehow you're always there to get me out of trouble," Your cold fingers gently stroked the spot between his eyebrows, trying to soothe the pain. "I just don't get it," Your brows furrowed, your fingers hovering over the place where you were trying to ease the aching. "I never start conversations with anyone, everyone finds me unapproachable," You grabbed the cloth next to you, cleaning your greasy finger. "On the outside I act like it doesn't bother me, but in reality I hate myself so much for being like that. I think it's just a defensive mechanism that you build over years because of a past trauma." Your fingers behind his neck dragged away, fingernails slowly brushing over his collarbone, sending shivers across his chest. "I just hope that I won't grow up into a person that I always despised, but from the looks of it, I'm on a good path for that thesis to come true."

Your hand was stopped midway, eyes instantly locking with Bertholdt's green ones. The grip on your arm wasn't forceful, he was aware of the bruises and didn't want to inflict more damage or pain to you. He was a warm, nice person, always putting others first. You could read that from his eyes. "I don't," He gently let go of your forearm, fingertips slowly dragging until they rested in the palm of your hand. "I don't think that anyone can grow into a bad person by their choice," He intertwined his finger with yours, the ring and pinky fingers dangling loosely. "Something or someone always forces you, sometimes with your life on the line," He placed your hand back in your lap, the heat of his own disappearing from your hold. "But a person who just stitched me up and took better care of me than anyone ever has before, I can't call her a bad person, nor do I think that she will ever become one." He smiled meekly at you. "Thank you."

Your eyes slowly widened, not sure what to say back. A sudden sensation build up in the pit of your stomach and you could hear your blood boiling in your ears. It rushed all the way to your face so the only thing you could do was lower your head down in embarrassment, praying to the Walls that he hasn't noticed your weird behavior. 

"You're welcome."

**...**

Leaning against the fence of the watch tower, you watched the sun set. Something about sunsets made your heart stir with an unknown emotion that you could never describe to anyone, not even yourself. The watch tower was the only place you could catch a perfect glimpse of it. You thought about the times when you would travel to the mountains with your father who held a deep love towards climbing. When you were just a little girl it was hard for you to keep his pace, but you were a quick learner, especially when it came to understanding why someone loved a specific thing like he did.

"Hey," You turned around, [E/C] meeting emerald ones. You weren't surprised by his sudden appearance because you felt like he was following you the entire day. Eren Yeager was such a persistent boy for his age. "I brought you something," Outstretching his hand towards you you just noticed that he was holding a piece of bread and a bottle of water behind a clothing. Probably not to get noticed that he was sneaking out food. "Thought that you'd be hungry for skipping two meals today."

It happened again, someone being generous towards you, but when it was Eren in the picture, he probably wanted something in return. "I don't need your handouts, if you need something from me, just ask." You bluntly answered, not surprised by the expression on his face when you rejected him like that.

"Who thought you those moves you used against Bertholdt earlier? I've never seen anyone fight like that and I witnessed a lot of them," At the mention of the tall boys' name, your heart fell to the pit of your stomach. You gulped hard, trying to ignore the feeling.

Something told you that he has experience fighting, so why was he asking you that? Weren't the training sessions with Annie enough?

Once again, he was facing your back. Thinking about all the hours, weeks, days, months even years spent for your family to teach you basic moves how to defend yourself if you ever got into trouble, you would never let it go to waste. "My cousins," You answered, hearing his footsteps approach you. "That kind of technique runs in the family, it's passed from generations down. I'm the last one who knows it." You sighed, not feeling comfortable with the subject. "Teaching someone randomly is something that any member of my family would not approve of. So, before you ask me, the answer is _no,_ I cannot teach you any of those moves. Call it pride or whatever you like it, but my heritage is something I cherish the most in this world."

"Why do I have a feeling that you're lying?" Your eyes widened slightly, feeling taken back by his words. Quickly turning around, your head jerked back a little since his face was nearly inches away from yours. "I don't know what _shit_ you went through in your life, but trying to be honest for one second wouldn't hurt you," His eyes pierced through yours, the look he was giving you sent unpleasant shiver down your spine. "I'm not asking you to tell me the truth, but try telling it to yourself. If you're forcing yourself to believe in those lies, you're just going to live a miserable life, caged behind your _own_ walls. Do you really want that?"

Gritting your teeth, you felt anger rise in your entire body. You pushed him away with a single arm, which sent him almost flying a few feet away from you. "Don't you ever dare talk to me like you know me. Stick your nose out of my business and try giving your best these three years to not end up as Titan fodder." You started walking away, but he quickly grabbed your arm. Wincing at the sudden action, you cursed yourself for not tending to your bruises like you were supposed to. 

"I heard what you said to Shadis on our first day, how you want to see what's behind the _damn_ walls," He put more pressure on your arm and you had to bite your tongue now to not let any sounds escape past your lips. "You talk about freedom, yet _you're_ the one who's not free." His face inched closer to yours. " _I despise weak people like you."_

That confession, it wasn't supposed to, but it hit you like a bullet. It didn't matter, his words were pointless, _he_ was nothing to _you._

Then why did they still hurt?

* * *

The girl who was being scolded was dismissed only with words 'We'll talk about this in my office'. It made you think if Shadis was only brutal with you. "Interesting," You said out loud, only seconds after did you realize that Eren was still sitting next to you. "Sorry, I was just lost in my thoughts." Heat rushed to your face, embarrassment washing over your body. Lowering your upper body down, your head rested on your knees, your arms hugging them to keep better balance. "Thank you."

Eren turned his head towards you, a puzzled look on his face. "For what?"

Turning your head around too meet his gaze, you smiled warmly at him. "For always pushing me forward, even when I thought I didn't needed that," At that time it looked like he wanted nothing but the worst for you, but years passed and know you see the bigger picture. "I think I'm not a weak person anymore, thanks to you."

Eren's brows furrowed. "I never thought that you were weak," He scratched his chin, trying to avoid your eyes now. "I always... just wanted to be-friend you," He looked away bashfully. "You looked unapproachable and... challenging."

Your upper body straightened up abruptly, cheeks entirely red now. "D-Did I really?!" Saying those words louder than you intended to, you clasped your hand over your mouth. Eren turned his head again to face you, you didn't know was it because of the sun's heat, but his cheeks also looked warm. 

"Yeah, you still are." He confessed, scooting a bit next to you. His hand reached towards your face. "I've always been a bit jealous of you and how people actually liked you, despite always wearing that angry expression. That's what I realized years later." The breath in your throat hitched when he held a piece of your hair between his index and middle finger. You noticed how his gaze lingered between your lips and back to look at you directly in those [E/C] hues of yours. "[F/N], I-"

"[L/N]! Get you sorry ass here and stop flirting! You're on duty for Ymir's sake!"

"Y-Yes sir!!" You stuttered, quickly getting back to your feet again. You looked back at Eren, just giving him an apologetic smile to which he answered by just nodding his head in understanding. But the look in his eyes told you otherwise. 

Running towards Shadis who was throwing all kinds of words your way, you thought about what Eren wanted to tell you just know. And why was your heart beating so fast in your rib cage, like it wanted to burst out. You haven't experienced that feeling in years.

Whatever he was trying to tell you, you doubted that he was going to try saying it again. With him it was always _now_ or _never_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> before you ask, yes, we need Bertholdt for character development later on and I love my boi so much and miss him, he was a great character really


	3. whistle

**YEAR 848, INNER PART OF WALL ROSE**

"There's another one over here!" You tightly pressed your heels to the sides of your horses' stomach and pulled on the reins, the action immediately switched him from galloping to slow trotting. He eventually stopped when you were close enough to where Reiner called you. Pulling your foot out of the stirrup, you threw your leg over the saddle and jumped down from your horse. You could hear more people coming from behind you. 

Coming to a stop next to Reiner, you looked at the soldier he had found. A dead one that is. Nose scrunching from the smell of rot and many other fluids the human body leaves once the muscles loosen, you looked down at Reiner who was crouching next to the body. The entire mission of finding the ones that were lost and dead because of rigorous training really wore him off. For the first time you actually felt bad for one of your colleges. Turning your gaze back at the dead soldier, you observed the state of his body. You could see from the color of his skin and how his bones were showing that he's been dead for a few days. But it didn't look like he broke anything. "I think he died of starvation. There's no trances of blood, so he didn't break his spine or neck." You stated, but Reiner just clicked his tongue in response.

"If that's the truth, it's even worse than getting your spine snapped in half," He got up and walked towards the cart his horse was pulling. "[F/N], you'll help me with cleaning it up before we put him with the others." You nodded your head at his command as you still starred at the soldier. His eyes were open, lifeless, it made your heart pang with certain sadness, who knows how much pain he went through before his last breaths. Yet you couldn't remember who the fallen soldier could be, no matter how long you looked at him.

"Guys, we gotta hurry, the sun is already setting," Armin said from not far away, eyes observing the sky above you guys. He was right, you've been searching for the fallen soldiers in the mountains for the entire day, but who knows how many of them were still out there. For now you have found seven of them, but the mountains were pretty huge. 

"Armin, we still have a lot to travel, we'll have to stay a night over in the mountains," Jean countered Armin, much to everyone's dismay. "I think it's not a good idea to start traveling back now."

"But Jean! The mountains are full of scary animals during the night! Sasha warned us about it before we took off today!" Armin protested even though he knew it was going to be hard to persuade Jean, once he set his mind onto something, it was hard to tell him otherwise. Even though he would never admit it, he reminded him of Eren sometimes with that trait.

You sighed at their bickering, but it was a bit more quiet than it was earlier. Then it hit you. Looking around you couldn't spot the third person who was accompanying you. "Guys, did you lose Eren on the way here?" The two boys looked at you then back at each other. You looked around and noticed that his horse wasn't here also. 

Armin was the first one who started to panic. "H-he was behind me all this time. I didn't notice until you pointed out." He looked back at Jean who was already looking around frantically and calling his name. Armin soon joined him, which just left you with Reiner to take care of the dead body he found. 

"I think we should go, if something even happened to him, I don't know if we are going to able to find him during the night," You suggested to the tall, blonde man, but he just ignored you and continued rummaging through the supplies of food, clothes, medical kit and guns you brought along. 

"Eren!"

Armin and Jean shouted continuously, catching your attention from the corner of your eyes, but they were soon back at Reiner. "It's not that I don't want to find him, but you out of four of us seem the most rational one to me here. Whatever you choose, I'll just follow your orders." You could see his shoulders and back tensing from your words, the weird behavior of his cocked an eyebrow of yours.

Reiner pulled on his gloves and turned his head over his back to look at you, his expression was serious. "We're not going to leave him here," He took one of the guns and handed it to you. You took it and got your head through the strap, turning it so it was placed on your back. "Get on your horse and go find him." He turned to look at the other two. "Jean, you'll go with [F/N], Armin, you'll help me with the body and wait for them to come back." Reiner turned back at you, flashing a tiny smile. "Be careful, okay. I believe in your skills more than my own."

Your eyes blinked at his words and you just nodded your head at him again. Walking towards your horse, you looked back at him once more, wondering about the motives behind his hostility. Deciding to not break your head too much over it, you grabbed the saddle and threw your left leg over, riding off to the path you came from to find the reckless Eren Yeager himself.

**...**

Trotting through the paths with you horse, you looked slightly behind your shoulder at Jean, who was slowly following behind. "If you want you can go in front of me, I don't know if I'm going the right way." 

"Huh? You're telling me that now?" He looked at you dumbfounded, but soon it was replaced with anger when you just shrugged your shoulders in response. "Seriously, do you always just let everyone else lead you through life? I always get these weird, disgusted chills when I see how easily you submit to anyone." Jean trotted faster so he could get in front of you. You watched him carefully, brows furrowing at what he said. Were you really like that? But to you it felt like you just have to follow orders, that's how you learned in life, it was the easiest way. When you didn't listen to someone-

It always ended bad for everyone.

"And since when do you care for anyone's well being? I thought you were just a self-centered guy." It was obvious to everyone, how he only cared about himself, he didn't need to say it. Just the thought of joining the Military Police and constantly calling everyone else who had opinions opposite to his - suicidal bastards, it proved his selfishness.

Jean scoffed at you. "I don't give a damn shit about you or what you're going to do with your life," His tongue clicked in annoyance when he realized that the two of you came to a dead end. "Fuck, I guess you really took the wrong turn. Nice going, jackass." He pulled the reins to stop the horse from moving any further, you following the same. The two of you stood on a hill, the breath-taking scenery of a sun setting in front of you. It was mesmerizing, rays of sunshine poking through the river beneath you, making the water look like it was sparkling. 

"I don't think we're going to make it," You looked at Jean again, who was now gripping the reins in his hands. "Even if we continue with the searching we'll have to stay over the night. If what Sasha said was true, that the mountains are crawling with all kinds of animals during the night," He gripped harder. "Damn you Eren, how am I going to look Mikasa in the eyes if we don't bring you back?"

Then it clicked in your head. So that's what bothered him...

And here you thought he was getting a change of heart.

Turning around with your horse, you let go of the reins and placed your thumb and index finger in your mouth. You blew air, a melodic, loud whistle passing through your lips. You continued whistling until you would run out of air and the moment you drew in more air, you'd do it again.

Jean looked at you in awe. "W-Where did you learn how to whistle like that?"

Still looking before you, you wondered when was the exact time that you mastered something like this so easily.

Bringing your fingers to your mouth once again, you remembered the day clearly, even though some parts were still foggy in your mind.

**YEAR 845, KROLVA DISTRICT, WESTERN SIDE OF WALL ROSE**

Running like a headless chicken in the middle of the town, your small form pushed around the groups of people. Some would notice you and would just take a step to the side, while the others not so fortunate would get their foot stomped, which earned you a lot of words that you didn't understand what they meant. You would randomly run into every stand or pub, searching through every nook and cranny, but to no avail.

Panting heavily, already tired from all the running, you linked your thumb and index finger and placed them in your mouth just above your tongue. Clenching your jaw, you blew air past your lips, but no sound came out, just some specks of spit. Taking your fingers out of your mouth, you shuddered at the sight of the string of saliva that connected your mouth and finger. 

"[F/N], there you are!" Freezing in your tracks, you wiped the saliva against your clothed shoulder. "I've been looking everywhere for you," A pair of hands were placed on your shoulders and suddenly you were met face to face with a man that was a tad older than you. "Don't go running off like that again, what were you eve - Ugh, gross! I-Is this your spit?!" One hand from your right shoulder was removed, the man in front of you tried to shake off the saliva from his hand, but you just chuckled at his antics. He looked back at you, his expression said that he wasn't in the mood to be making jokes right now.

Slowly turning your head to look at the side, you started to feel uneasy from the look in his eyes. "I'm sorry, Luca. I lost Mina again and wasn't able to find her," The Dutch Shepard could ba a big nuisance, but somehow she never listened to you no matter how many times you fed her, how many times you scratched her, she would never listen, or submit. 

Luca sighed at your words, not surprised by them at all. "It's okay, I'll just call her," Getting upon his feet, he placed his fingers in his mouth, took a deep breath and blew it past his lips. It sounded like he was communicating with just animals in his own little language.

That's how good he was at whistling. 

Soon enough the sound of paws hitting against the concrete floor was heard and a black dog was running towards the two of you. Luca knelled on one knee and spread his arms in front of him. "Come 'ere girl!" And just like that she jumped in his lap, tongue plastering out to grant him with licking like kisses all over his face. "It's okay girl, I missed you too!" 

Watching them, you felt stupid. How come she would listen to him all the time and not you? Even though you were the one who found her abandoned in the streets and brought her home. You hmphed to yourself in slight jealousy and you turned around, not wanting to look one more minute at the scene in front of you. "Come on, [F/N], lets go home." Luca informed you as he outstretched a hand for you to take. Turning your head behind your shoulder, you hesitated.

"Do you want me to tell dad to not take you to the mountains this afternoon like you wanted to?"

Touché.

You huffed air out, cheeks, puffing from the action. "Fine." Placing your smaller hand in his bigger one, you started walking off towards your home.

**...**

"Again?" Your dad, a man in his late thirties, but who actually looked like he was in his twenties, asked you how did you loose sight of the dog for who knows what time. He couldn't keep count anymore. "I guess Luca is the one who's going to walk her around from now on, or me," He meekly smiled at the petrified look you gave him. "I'm sorry hunny, maybe it's because your cousin and I are older, she sees both of us as leaders of the _'pack'_." He air-quoted the last part while preparing his bag with clothes and other supplies.

"But, I'm a girl just like her! Shouldn't we girls always stick around just because we're weaker?" A laugh echoed in the room and you couldn't help rolling your eyes. 

"A few days ago when we were sparing you told me how you hated when I called you _weak_ , because you weren't. What am I hearing now?" Your older cousin teased you and from your reaction, he was certain he hit the spot.

"I don't want to hear it from you! I'm allowed to tell that to myself," You gritted your teeth in annoyance. Turning around, your [E/C] pierced through his blue ones. "But once I get better than you, don't try getting in my way!" 

Luca just smirked at your 'declaration of war'. "I'd really like to see that," He whistled and your dog Mina instantly came running towards him. "You just have to learn how to whistle and she'll listen to you. Didn't I already tell you that?" His hand brushed through his amber locks, as the other one petted the black Shepard's' head. 

Eyes glimmering with disappointment, your head looked down at the floor. In your vision in front of you, you fiddled with your index and thumb finger. The person you looked up most to has always been Luca, ever since you were born, you always said how you wanted to grow up as smart and strong as him. He was your late mother's nephew, who grew up with you because his parents from Shiganshina wanted him to have a better life here with you in Krolva, which was a district in Wall Rose. 

Little by little, you learned that they wanted him to apply as a soldier so he could enter the Military Police. Reminiscing that the only top ten could enter such a branch, you believed that your cousin was able to do it, his hand-to-hand combat skills were the most remarkable you had ever seen.

A hand ruffled your [H/C] tresses, trying to catch your attention. "Come on darling, pack your things. We're heading out soon," Your father informed you as he walked towards his working room. 

**...**

The conversation you had to get out of Wall Rose was always the same; _what business do you have to exit the wall so casually?_ It was tiring, how every time your father had to explain himself that your family owned a small cottage in one of the villages in the mountains in the insides of Wall Maria that needed to be taken care of frequently. As if like you wanted to travel back and forth for six days every now and then just out of pure fun. 

Walking uphill along just one of the many hiking paths towards your destination, heavy pants left your mouth. Tiny hands gripped at the straps of your heavy backpack as you watched your father walk up with ease, Mina following next to him. Your father has always been a man of few words, but they were always encouraging to you. From the day you lost your mother, he reminded you a few times how he never knew if he was going to leave you the same way she left both of you, but if that ever happened - you should never blame yourself because of that. 

The love he had for climbing, it didn't take too long for him to pass it on to you. Even though your stamina was trash compared to his, you still tried your best by keeping the same pace as him. The sound of footsteps stopping, eyes glanced up and it didn't take you too long to halt in your steps. Putting a hand in one of his pockets, he pulled out something wooden like out of it and tossed it to you. "Here you go," You clumsily tried to catch it, the object threatening to slip from your fingers, but in the end you managed to hold a firm grip on it. Looking at your hand, your brows furrowed at the small, thick stick that had a hole at the end. "It's a wooden whistle," Your eyes slightly widened as you looked up at him. "With this you can practice until you learn the real deal. Go on, try it." 

Reluctantly putting the wooden whistle in your mouth, you gulped in anticipation, deep down hoping that this was going to work. Lips firmly pressed above the hole, you blew air into it, a high pitched sound piercing through your ears. This was something you were not thrilled of having to get used to.

The black Shepard's ears perked up at the sound, her brown eyes locking with your form. Her tail stood high, in the same pose when she waited for someone to give her a command. Crouching down, you placed your linked your middle and thumb finger together and snapped them. In an instant she came running towards you, your eyes shining with pure joy and happiness.

"Fuck yeah!" A hand clamped over your mouth when you realized what you said, but your father just chuckled at the sight, glad that you were finally able to fulfill what you wanted to for the last two years.

**YEAR 845, THREE DAYS AFTER WALL MARIA WAS BREACHED**

A few days have passed since your travelling inside of Wall Maria, and you were finally ready to leave. The cottage has been cleaned from all the dust, the flowers in the garden watered and you finally bonded with your dog Mina after all these years. You've been traveling for two days to get back at Krolva District, but the atmosphere didn't sit right with you. Most of the houses you passed were empty that were once full of people and you wondered what was happening. Walking next to your father, you tugged at his shirt to which he only glanced down to look at you. "Is everything fine, sweetie?" He asked, concern in his voice. 

Looking behind you for a moment, Mina was still there, sniffing around among the huge trees that surrounded you in the forest you walked through. "I just..." Gripping at the wooden whistle in your right hand, dread loomed around you. "It feels odd, there's no one here. The house we passed before, they're all empty," Even though the villages in the mountains were hardly even populated, you should've encountered at lest _one_ person. "What if... something bad happened to them?"

Smiling reassuringly, he took hold of your hand that was gripping harder onto his shirt. "I'm sure they're okay." The two of you came to a stop. "I'll pitch a tent for us to get a break here," He dropped your hand from his hold, but you managed to grab it again. The man looked at you with confusion written on his face. "Sweetie, aren't you tired?"

Shaking your head frantically, you didn't want to panic, but the feeling was stronger than you. "N-no! I don't think it's safe!" You bit your lower lip, a habit you have when you feel nervous. "I don't know how to explain it, but," Head falling down, you starred at your feet that were barely visible from the grass. "I don't think it's safe, for us to stay here any further."

He was looking at you, mouth slightly agape. He didn't understand why you were so frightened all of a sudden, but how could he blame you, you were still a little girl who had an imaginative mind. A traumatized one after your mother died. Crouching down, he put one finger under your chin, his face warming up when tears prickled from the corner of your eyes. "We're going home then. But remember, I won't let anything bad happen to you, or Mina. Just stay close to me." Having no idea from what he was supposed to protect, he just said those words, just so you could calm down. 

Sniffing with you lower lip pursed out, you let him wipe the tears that were threatening to spill out with his index finger. "Okay, I trust you." Suddenly a gasp emitted from your throat when a pack of crows started flying out of a tree that was just above you. Raising your head, you looked at the sky, the shadows from the birds looming down at you. Looking back at your father, your eyes widened at the expression he was wearing. You could feel your heart beating at a rapid speed and the next words you heard-

If only you listened to him.

"[F/N]," He whispered. "Don't move an inch."

What was happening, was there a wild animal behind you? A bear or something, if it was, Mina would started barking at it by now, but you didn't hear her.

_Mina._

Your head slowly turned around to look behind your back.

_Where was she-_

Your breath hitched in your throat at the sight behind you. Never in your life did you thought about standing face to face with such a... _thing._ Those eyes, they pierced through you entire being and there was no way that you could escape from such it.

But why was it here?

"Titan-" Before you could finish it, the giant monstrosity ran towards you and your eyes widened. The next thing you knew you were pushed to the side, your head colliding with the floor. You picked yourself up from the position and was already on both of your feet. 

Why was that thing holding your father like that now?

"[F/N]!" He desperately called after you while wiggling out of its hold. "Don't stand there! Call Mina and get out of here!" You could literally hear the sound of bone breaking and the cry it was followed by, oh God. If only you hit your head hard enough to spare you from what was happening now. But you just stood there and watched the scene in front of you. "[F/N], get the fuck out of here already! Listen to me just this once!" It's not like you didn't want to run away, it felt like your legs were heavier than stone right now.

A shaking hand was brought to your lips, trying to ignore the cries such as _'Lord pleas help me'_ and _'I don't want to die here'._ You blew air into the whistle, but it didn't come out as loud as you wanted to. Blood was splattered everywhere, even on your dress, but you couldn't care less. The sound of shrieking in agony was muffled when the Titan brought his head closer to its mouth and took a bite into it. The sound of bones cracking under its teeth was the most gruesome you ever heard and you instantly felt nauseous, but you still watched, watched as how it was feeding off your father. 

Blowing air into the whistle, the sounds started to get louder each passing second when the Titan suddenly looked your way, their teeth covered in blood. It threw the headless body of your father at the side, as you closely followed the lane of the body's landing. You still kept on whistling, never stopping, hoping that someone was going to find you and kill this thing. The Titan straightened up from their crouching position and took a step towards you. 

This was it for you.

Its hand stretched out to grab you.

If only you listened to your father a few moments ago. This wouldn't happen.

Out of nowhere, a force was pushed to your side that you went flying for almost a few meters. Looking at your side instantly, your eyes widened, tears of relief were forming at the corner of your eyes. "Mina!" You looked at the Shepard next to you and noticed that something was wrong. You gasped when you noticed her leg was injured. Immediately getting up on your feet, you picked her up and started running to somewhere safe. With the Titan dangerously close behind you. Panting and gasping for air, you noticed a small hole in one of the trees that was in front of you. Picking up your pace, you ran towards it, the echo of loud steps filled your ears. When you were close to the tree, you closed your eyes and jumped through the hole, the sound of something huge crashing into it was enough for you to find out that the Titan was too big to get inside. 

But when your body was engulfed with coldness, you opened your eyes again, surprised that you were actually underwater. But this was a problem, because you never learned how to swim. Keeping your lips sealed, you kicked your legs desperately to stop yourself from drowning, but when Mina started wiggling out of your hold, the last thing you though that she was going to save your life _a second time._

When your head was in the open, you gasped for air, lungs hurting from how long you tried not to breathe. Mina was pulling you to somewhere and when you turned around noticed there was a huge rock poking out of the water. What kind of a tree was this?

Grabbing onto the rock, you pulled yourself out of the water, asking yourself from when did all this strength come from. Maybe it was just adrenaline still holding you. You took in more air with shaky breaths, sitting on your knees, while supporting your weight with your elbows. Drops of water dripped from your hair and you were already starting to feel cold. Looking to the side, you noticed that Mina was trying to climb up and you right away rushed to her side to grab her by the front paws and pull her up. 

Pulling her up, desperate groans left your throat as you tried to place on last ounce of you strength into it. "Come on girl, you can do this," Most of her body was out of the water, the claws on her feet scratched against the hard surface to gain better balance. With one last pull, she was out and your back hit the cold surface, her body sprawled all over your torso. Panting heavily and looking above you, the tree felt like it was going into infinity and beyond. Carefully moving her off of you, you noticed that her right leg was severely injured. Blood was oozing from it and the metallic smell hit your nostrils everytime you breathed in.

Grabbing onto the hem of your shirt, you started ripping it, while hot tears poured out of your eyes. "Don't worry," You sniffled, the loud sounds of thumping against the tree filling your ears. "We'll be s-safe here," Your voice cracked, not entirely sure if it was true or not. Maybe you were convincing yourself also. Lifting her leg up, she whined from the touch and a sob escaped your lips. "I'm sorry, this is all my fault," Wrapping the cloth around her wound, you tried ignoring her cries of pain. "I'm sorry, I'm s-sorry," You whispered apologizing to her as you tied the knot just above the wound. "I won't let anything like this happen again to you, I promise."

**...**

Days passed, even weeks, you weren't sure. But the fact that you were still alive and barely breathing even from all the fatigue, you believed it to be a miracle. You were barely even sleeping, because everytime you closed your eyes, images of your father getting eaten in front of you would haunt your mind. Keeping a close eye on Mina all the time, you noticed how her breathing was starting to become shallow and slow. Every now and then you would get up, just to bring her some water from beneath you. You noticed how your arms got skinnier, fingers almost looked like bones with no flesh to cover them. The shirt and pants you were wearing felt baggy on your body also. You probably looked like a walking skeleton by now and you didn't want to think about food at all, because right _then_ would you start getting hungry.

The Titan was still out there, you knew that from the loud thumping from time to time. It could _feel_ that you were still in there, alive.

Lying on the stone that got colder each passing minute, you hugged Mina closer to you, fighting the urge to close your eyes. You couldn't sleep now, she needed you alive, you wanted her to survive this.

Because, it was your fault, you didn't want her to die out of _your_ recklessness.

"There's one here!"

Gasping, your eyes widened at the sudden voice. The sound of horses neighing and people shouting was heard from the outside of where you were right now. You slightly flinched when something heavy hit the ground. It was probably the Titan, someone outside must've gotten ridden of it.

"Fuck, Levi! Could you at least warn me before you go in for a kill?! The _thing_ almost fell on me!" 

"Sorry, not sorry. Read the fucking mood and stay away from it the next time," Footsteps echoed. "What the fuck was this thing even doing here against this big ass tree?"

"Levi, we're leaving. Who knows if there are more roaming around here. We already lost enough men."

"All right, Commander. Your wish is for me to grant it." The sounds started to get distant, panic rising inside of you. You nudged Mina with your arm. "Mina," You coughed, voice hoarse from not uttering a word for a long time. "Get up, there are people outside," You whispered, but she didn't budge at all. Your eyes widened as you tried shaking her awake countless of times. "Mina, please," Your voice hurt even from whispering. "Wake up."

It was pointless, her eyes were opened, her breathing, God her breathing was so slow. Sticking one of your hands in your pockets, you tried looking for the wooden whistle your father gave you, but it wasn't there. You lost it when Mina saved you from the Titan.

Your head started to hurt, heart beats paced up, this was your chance, yet you failed again. "Help," You tried to yell, but your voice came out as a whisper. "Help us, please!" Another failed attempt. Without thinking if it was going to miraculously work out, you brought your index and thumb finger in your mouth. Barely clenching your jaw, you blew air past your lips, but no sound came out, just specks of spit.

Again, you thought to yourself, even with your last breath.

Blowing again, your head started to hurt from lack of oxygen, but you weren't going to stop.

An image of Luca crossed your brain, his worried face. He was still waiting for you, alone in your house.

And then it happened, a loud sound erupted from between your fingers. Quickly taking them out, surprised by how you finally managed to do it, you shook your head and brought your fingers to your mouth again. This was not the time to celebrate. Pushing the air out of your lungs, you continuously started making sounds that were loud enough for anyone to hear them.

"What was that?" One of the voices echoed as you still whistled in determination.

"It's coming from that tree! There's a hole in there, someone's there!"

* * *

Looking in front of you, you wondered if he really wasn't going to come back. It's been already ten minutes as you walked across the other path to find Eren. Bringing your fingers to your mouth, you whistled once more. "Why the hell are you still doing that? He could've heard you the first time," Jean's eyes suddenly widened when he heard a rustling sound not far away from you. "Shit! Get the gun out!" 

Doing as he said, you turned the gun around and pointed it at the nearby bush. Closing one eye, you tried to take steady breaths so the gun wouldn't shake in your hands. The bushes rustled again, your finger slowly pulling the trigger, but what come out of it was not a threat at all.

It was Eren's horse, carrying an unconscious out Eren on its back. 

Pulling the gun towards you, you heard Jean sigh in relief next to you. "Can you please take care of him? If I get my hands on him, I'll probably kill him in that exact same spot. Moron almost cost me ten years of my life." His one hand was placed over his heart, trying to calm it down.

Listening to his orders, you jumped down from your horse, slowly approaching Eren's. The majestic animal snorted at the sight of you in disapproval, backing away. You tried to calm it down. "Shh, it's okay, I won't hurt you. I promise you." Taking slow steps the animal seemed to calm down next to you. It was probably scared, all alone out there. When you were close enough, you grabbed its reins and the horse didn't mind it at all.

First you freed Eren's feet from the stirrups, still holding onto him so he won't lose balance. Getting on your toes, you placed your hand under one of his armpits and lifted him off the horse slowly, inspecting if he had any injuries. You were surprised how much his forehead was bloodied. Tracing your fingers over the wound, the look in your eyes warmed from how peaceful he his facial expression was right now. Even though the two of you always fought with each other, you came to care for him in some way. He reminded you of your past self sometimes.

Jean cleared his throat, making you turn your head to look at him. "Is he okay?" 

You look down at the brunette. "Yeah, he probably hit his head in one of the branches on the way," You placed one of his arms over your shoulder and dragged him towards your horse. You laid Eren on the ground. "Could you just hold him for a second and help me climb him up?" You went towards Eren's horse, grabbing the reins and tiing it with yours. 

Jean looked at you in surprise, deep down actually admiring how you had no problem with dealing with the entire situation. "Yeah, sure," He jumped down and walked towards the brunettes body, not sparing a single glance to confirm if he was okay. He waited for you to jump on your horse again. "Can I ask you, how come you're so good with animals?" He watched you as you lifted your leg up and threw it over the other side. You scooted forward with your behind and Jean had enough space to place Eren behind you.

You grabbed Eren slowly as you situated him behind you. "I used to own a dog," Eren's head fell on your shoulder, his chest pressed against your back. "I had trouble in the begining, but eventually she warmed up to me."

"Owned?" Jean raised and eyebrow at this. "What happened to her?" When you just proceeded to walk away, not saying another word, Jean tched in annoyance, not wanting to ask another question. 

On your way back to where Reiner and Armin were waiting for you, you wondered what actually happened to her in the end, because after someone entered to save you, you were engulfed by darkness.

The last thing you saw was piercing gray eyes, and the next time you woke up, you were in the insides of Wall Rose. 

But in the end, you were happy, how Mina stood up to her name.

She really was, your first, Guardian Angel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay this is long, not much fluff in this chapter, but I wanted to write this so you could see the reason what she went through. Now we're getting to the real deal
> 
> Plus, Mina means 'protector' in Dutch but Guardian Angel is kinda cute. Please don't @ me for the dog, I love dogs with all my heart, but I also love character development


	4. dreams

**YEAR 852, SHIGASHINA DISTRICT**

_Maneuvering through the remains that once constructed the entire Shigashina District, you tried to ignore the pain where once your middle and ring finger used to be. After Armin stopped the bleeding and patched you up, he warned you that you should be resting, but your stubbornness started to kick in, you couldn't let any more people die in this battle. Hange almost died in front of you by the hands of that four-legged walking Titan and an armless blonde geezer that looked like a lumberjack. But if his arms were missing and he was still alive, he must've been that Beast Titan that's been on your tails for the last two fucking months._

_Hange ordered all of you to go regroup with the others when the flare was hit off by Mikasa, meaning that she found Levi with the others. While you were adjusting the harnesses over your chest, someone's hand grabbed your shoulder. Turning around, you noticed that it was Jean, who was wearing a concerned look on his face. "I think it's better if you let me or someone else carry you, it'll be hard for you to maneuver right now." He was right, you were beyond exhausted, and having two fingers less was a disadvantage, but you were literally able to fire one of the thunder spears at Reiner's nape and fight him off in the end. There was no need to be worried over you like that._

_You placed a hand over his chest. "Until this mission is over," You slightly pushed him out of your way. "Until it's over, I'm not going to rest. They still need us, need me, injured or not." You fired the grappling hooks, ascending on top of one of the houses, failing to notice Jean's expression of worry, slowly turning into a frightful one._

_While in mid-air, you noticed that there were a lot of burnt corpses on the ground. You still moved with your gear, your eyes slightly wide while being focused over the scattered bodies laying on the ground. They probably didn't have the time to get away from Bertholdt's transformation. You shook your head, trying not to think of anything related to him, it was too much for your heart at the moment._

_As you moved closer towards the wall, you noticed a few figures standing on a roof of one of the houses. Squinting your eyes, it was probably Mikasa with Levi and the others, but something seemed off. "What's going on over there?" Your question was answered when Levi punched the living hell out of someone, making them fly and almost fall off the roof if they hadn't grabbed onto something. You cursed under your breath, not understanding what was happening, but if it was Levi punching someone, he had a damn good reason for it. But when you saw Mikasa lunge at him with a blade, your eyes widened in suprise. Getting faster in your movements, you jumped from one house to another in order to save the little of the gas you had left. Soon enough you were about to land to where they were._

_"Mikasa! What the hell do you think you're-" Your words, together with your breath hitched in your throat. There was Floch, carrying Commander Erwin who had a massive hole on his abdomen which was bandaged, but it was pretty bad. You could tell that there was still blood gushing out of it. By the looks of it, you weren't quite sure if he was going to survive at all. Your head trailed up to where Mikasa was trying to behead Levi, to your outrage._

_Clenching your jaw, you lunged forward at the Ackerman girl and kicked her to the side, with the strength you didn't know you still had. She cried out in pain, but you couldn't care less right now. Grabbing her by the forearms, you situated behind her, your chest pressing on her back, as you brought her hands dangerously close to her throat. "Lay one more hand on him and I will not think twice of gifting you with the same faith you tried to give him now." You whispered venomously in her ear, surprised at how weak she was._

_Mikasa who tried her hardest to oppress you, started speaking in a low tone. "Are you trying to get in my way too? Do you also want Armin to die?" She coughed when your grip onto the blade tightened._

_Turning around, you spotted a a corpse, all burned out, not far away from you. Right next to the corpse was a dismembered body that looked much like-_

_"Bertholdt."_

* * *

You spring up with a loud gasp. Your entire form was drenched in cold sweat, and the first thought that came to your mind was - why were you dreaming about this right now? That day, more than hundred soldiers died, some of them you never met, and some were very dear to you. 

You look at your shaking hand, the spot which was reduced of two fingers desperately called for you to itch them. But how could you, they weren't even there. 

_"It's called Phantom Sensation,"_ Hange once told you when it first started to appear, just a few days after you neatly got the rest amputated. Letting out a shaky sigh, you grabbed your face with the same hand, exhaling into it. You tried to calm your racing mind, the images of that scene still playing in your head even after waking up.

There was a knock on your door, and you let out a hoarse 'come in'. The door creaked as it opened, making you look up, not surprised when you were met with Eren. Well you did volunteer to help them whenever they needed, even though you weren't on the team anymore. You retired when Levi suggested that it would be better for you to use your skills and teach new soldiers how to defend themselves with your amazing hand-to-hand combat technique. Since he was the person you looked up to more than anyone, you complied to his requests, but reminded him that you were always going to be a part of the Survey Corps as well as the Special Operation Squad, no matter what.

"What are you doing here?" You started coughing, your throat was very soar. "Is something wrong?" You tried to manage in between coughs, and thank God Eren understood what you were asking him. He walked towards you, and just now did you notice he was carrying a glass of water in his hand. He sat next to you on the bed, handing you the glass, which you gladly accepted. You brought it to your lips and gulped on it in one breath. "Was I squirming in my sleep again?" You asked, rubbing your lips with your sleeve.

"Yeah," He looked at you clothes that was still drenched in cold sweat. "I just passed your room and heard you mumbling something. I immediately realized that you were having another nightmare," He smiled meekly at you. "Deep down I really hoped I was wrong." He placed his hand on your knee, which was covered with a thin bed sheet. You looked down at his hand, the calloused fingers felt smooth even when there was a layer of feather weighted cloth dividing your skin from feeling them fully. Looking back up, even though he was smiling, the look in his eyes held every other emotion instead of happiness. They've been like that for the past two years, and you wondered; what happened to this man that made him loose all that light and fierceness his eyes once shone so brightly with.

You returned the smile, but unlike his, yours was honest. "When did you start caring so much about me?" You noticed how his green pupils slightly dilated at your question, making you regret asking him a question that visibly bothered him to give you a proper answer. "I'm sorry, was it stupid of me to ask something like that?" You chuckled, trying to hide the embarrassment that was rising in your chest. The laughing stopped when he took your hand in his, lightly rubbing the spot where your fingers used to be. The small action put your heart to ease, the phantom itch slowly fading away finally. 

But, when did _you_ start caring about him so much?

**YEAR 848, TRAINING CORPS**

_"How did it happen?" Your eyes widened at the cold tone. It was already enough for you to witness such a thing and now Luca wanted you to talk about it. Did he feel no pity for you at all? Staying quiet, not giving him and immediate answer, you fiddled with your fingers, head hung low. The image of your father, between those gigantic, gruesome teeth, you closed your eyes shut, hoping that the memory would go away. You didn't want to remember._

_Rough hands slumped against your shoulders in a forceful way. "Say something for fuck's sake!" He started shaking you, a cracked whimper left your lips. "Stop crying and tell me already!" He pushed you and you stumbled onto the wooden floor. Fresh tears prickled from the corner of your eyes, you stopped counting how many times you cried today. Your eyes were entirely puffy and red, a throbbing pain hit the back of your head and your hand instinctively went there. Eyes slightly widening when your cold fingers traced over something hot and wet. Bringing your hand closer to your vision, the breath in your mouth hitched when you realized it was your blood. Your cousin, one and only member of your family, the only person who you loved and was still alive-_

_He hurt you. The tears finally escaped from your eyes and you brought your knees to your face, curling into a ball on the floor. His form was still towering over you. "Pathetic," He spat, you whimpered again. "Look at you. Your father just got killed, together with your dog. Heh, she liked me more than you," You sobbed as he took another close step to you. His foot swung back and collided with your back, making your cry out in pain. "You can't even defend yourself. You told me you're gong to be better than me," He kicked you forcefully again. "Stand up for yourself already!" He delivered one final kick, making you roll to the other side of the room. You gasped loudly when your head collided with something hard, the impact immediately made your head spin. Your vision started to get blurry, dizziness taking over you. The last words you heard were the words you were never going to forget for the rest of your life, they were going to haunt you for every decision that fell upon your shoulders;_

_"Maybe you should have been the one who died."_

* * *

Eyes slowly opening, you looked at your surroundings over the dark room. It was still nighttime and you knew that it was going to be hard for you to fall asleep again. Getting up, you stood there in your bed in a sitting position. Low snores echoed through the entire room, noting that all of the girls in your dorm were deep in sleep. looking down at the girl who was sleeping next to you, he blonde hair was sprawled all over her pillow. You remembered her name was Annie, a lone wolf, almost like yourself, but unlike you, she always wore this angry expression on her face. This was the first time you've seen her peaceful like this, even though you've been bed buddies for a year now. Lightly distracting the blanket off of you, you tried not making any sound at all so you wouldn't end up waking everyone up. Picking up the cape that was placed over the headboard rail, you jumped down from the bunk bed, slowly making your way out. once you were out, you draped the cape over your shoulders. Even though it was Summer, it was still cold during the night.

It was easy for you to walk since the grounds were lit up with torches on each facility. You walked, until you noticed there was a bench near the canteen, where you always gathered up to eat. Slowly sitting down, you took a deep breath, and placed your head in your hands. Waking up almost every night was exhausting, you wondered how you were still alive and kicking through this intense training all of you were going through. But you had to keep up, no matter what was happening to you, you needed to provide your family a better life.

That's why you applied for the Military in the first place. 

Your head shot up when someone called your name. Your heart jumped in giddiness when you noticed that it was Bertholdt, dressed only in his casual attire. You immediately looked down, the feeling of something flying in your stomach making you uncomfortable. "What are you doing here, aren't you supposed to be asleep?" He rubbed his eyes with his knuckles, and you assumed that he probably woke up minutes ago.

"I was," You looked around, trying hard not to meet his gaze again. "Shouldn't I be asking you the same question?"

Bertholdt blinked his eyes in confusion, followed by the realization that his signs of certain affection towards you came wrong. "Sorry," But you were surely just a little bit dense if you didn't realize that he just cared about you, a bit more than he intended to. "I was having a bad dream, so I needed to get a bit of fresh air," He took a seat next to you, totally oblivious of how you flinched from the close proximity between you two. "It usually happens, but it was a pretty rough one this time." He frowned, the images now vaguely in the back of his mind. 

Looking at him from the corner of your eye, you noticed that he was looking up at the sky, a visible scowl plastered on his face. You alway asked yourself, what had wounded this man so much that he barely wore a smile on his face. Even when he smiled, he always looked worried. "Can I ask you," When you started speaking his gaze was back at you, making your heart jump in surprise, but you gathered the courage to keep looking at him, at those, dove-like, green eyes. "I mean, w-would you like to tell me more about it?"

Bertholdt eyes blinked, and he sheepishly scratched his cheek. "I'm... not really comfortable speaking about it," His gaze was back at the sky above you. "I'm sorry." 

No, why was he apologizing to you about something that was supposedly delicate to talk about. But, you wanted to know more, more about him. Therefore, if you talked about how you had trouble sleeping, maybe then he would open up to you. 

"I have trouble sleeping too," You looked up, the stars in the night sky more visible to you than ever. "Dreams so real, it feels like I'm traveling through time. Every smell, every touch, it feels," An image of your father, all bloodied and dismembered passing through your mind. You took in a sharp breath, but you wanted to continue. "Like I'll never forgive myself, that I could've taken a different choice for every situation that was placed for me to decide on. That's why it's still there, fresh in my mind." You gulped, feeling Bertholdt eyes on you now. "If only I stayed still that day, if only I hadn't begged my father to take me to the mountains, he'd still be alive, my cousin would join the Military Police and secure a steady life inside of the walls for himself, his parents. Parents who are probably dead. I wouldn't be here now, trying to please other people's dreams." You rambled on, but Bertholdt was still silent, only starring at you in shock. 

He never took you as the type to open up to someone like that. But if only he knew.

"What happened," He hesitated. "To your father... to your cousin's parents?" 

You looked down at your lap. You wanted to stop talking. "They were killed by Titans," An image of those gigantic, lifeless eyes piercing through yours. "I witnessed it, my fathers death. And I couldn't do a thing. I don't want to join the Scouts like some people think," The first conversation you ever had with Eren Yeager played in your mind. "I'll do my best to join the Military Police and continue with their dreams. That's my path, the reason I was born into this world." 

You missed it, the look in his eyes, the look of horror. He wanted to beg you for his forgivness right there, but he had to pull his shit together, Reiner and Annie were good when it came dealing with these situations. But he never thought that _you_ went through something like this. That's the reason he was close to you, because you didn't grow up in Wall Maria. "I'm sorry... to hear all of that..." He trailed off.

You shook your head, not wanting pity from anyone, but his words still meant a lot to you. "Don't be, it's not your fault." Your eyes widened when he abruptly got up on his feet, almost knocking you off the bench. "Bertholdt, are you okay?" The last thing you wanted to was disturb him with your story, the man had nightmares of his own and you were selfish with bringing up the demons you had to fight on your own.

His shoulders tensed up, back still turned to you. "Yeah, just," He started walking away, you assumed to his dorm. "Never give up on your own dreams, and never regret. What's in the past should stay there." 

You watched him walk away, not sure if those words were aimed at you.

Unbeknownst to both of you, there was another person watching the two of you.

**...**

Trying to arrive first for dinner was something you tried for a lot now, but Sasha always beat you to it. At first it was just admiration, how she loved food more than anything in this world and was willing to give up on a lot just for a piece of bread. In the end, it turned into a one-sided competition (from your side), but whenever you tried to arrive before her, it was futile. She'd already have a plate full of food. You didn't care much about receiving your takes, her reactions just amused you. 

But what was weird to you, wasn't the fact that the brown haired girl already had her head stuffed in her plate. It was that you arrived _third_ this time. And that this person who arrived before you was trying to strike a conversation with you out of the blue. Much to your dismay.

"I'm not sure if I heard you right at the introductions, did you say that you're from Krolva? As in Krolva, a district in Wall Rose?" 

Your brow raised in question. "Yeah. You don't need to teach me about Walls and their respective parts. We already went trough that once. Why are you asking me this now, Armin?" 

The blonde shifted in his seat, trying to find the best answer to give you. "It's just, you want to join the Scouts, without even knowing how those things look like. I think you're pretty brave because of that, unlike me." He smiled sheepishly at you. Your brows furrowed, not liking where this conversation was heading to. Deciding that it was better to stay silent than to engage in this conversation like last night, you got up from your seat across his.

You just answered with, "Thank you." And was about to leave, the cafeteria was slowly filling up with people. You were stopped in your tracks when Armin grabbed you by the sleeve of your shirt. Turning around, his eyes looked troubled, like he wanted to say something, but couldn't gather the courage to do so. "What is it?"

Armin's gaze averted to look at his shoes. "Follow your dreams, don't be a slave to anyone. Don't listen to what others tell you, don't be like me." 

Gritting your teeth, visibly annoyed by his words now, you yanked your hand back. "Stop comparing me with yourself. I'll do what I think it's the best for me. Why do you even care?"

His eyes widened when you jolted your hand back from his hold, his blue, innocent eyes now back at yours. He smiled at you, you couldn't comprehend if it was in pity or admiration. Armin was hard to read sometimes. "You remind me of Eren a lot. The part where you're determined to follow what you believe in. Even when it's not your duty to please everyone but yourself, I admire how much faith you put into others and how much you care. Use that trait for your own benefit sometime." 

Eyes wide now, you watched him in disbelief, not sure what he was trying to tell you with those words. Deja Vu hit you, it was almost the same words Bertholdt said to you before he headed back to bed. The canteen was almost full now, and you were just about to leave.

But not before handing the rest of your food to Sasha who was sitting a few tables away from you, who cried in happiness when her plate was gifted with more bread than she bargained for.

* * *

"Am I not allowed to care about you?" Eren asked while he massaged the spot between your index finger and pinky. Looking back at him, the question caught you off-guard. He was direct, like always, but why you? 

You rubbed your cheek with your other hand, the one he wasn't holding. "Is it because I remind you of yourself?" He always had a big ego, maybe it was because of that. Those words that Armin said back then frequently echoed in your mind. It bothered you back then, but Eren was a strong wielded man, right now if someone compared you to him, you wouldn't mind it.

"No," Your heart dropped a bit at this. "Unlike me, you forgive people easily. Reiner, Bertholdt, even though you lost precious people, you forgave them. Don't tell me that you still don't think about Bertholdt, how he could've survived, alongside with Armin," He cupped your hand in both of his palms, bringing his head closer, his lips ghosting over your hand. "You care about others more than I do, you have a kind heart. I'm not like that, I'd do anything to achieve my freedom, with no more regrets. You on the other hand regret every choice you make when it only benefits you," He slightly opened his mouth, his lower lip pressing harder against your skin. "So no, I like you for being different than I am." 

The hairs on your skin jolted up, the feeling of his soft mouth against your skin sent a pleasant shiver down your spine. You being here with him, it felt so right, you just couldn't figure out why. But he was also kind, he has his reasons why he is acting the way he is now, but you wanted to figure out the meaning behind it yourself. Placing your other hand on his head, you brushed his brown trusses with your fingers, and could feel him ease into the touch. "You're a kind person also, and you forgive people, always trying to put yourself in their shoes. How do I prove it to you?" 

Eren's head raised up, meeting your gaze. His eyes glinted with a certain emotion for a second. He brought his hand behind your head, and started pulling it forward, until your forehead rested against his. You watched him, shock written all over your face. You couldn't help but blush at the sudden closeness between you too. You starred deeply into his green orbs, trying to read any emotion out of him, but there was nothing. The next words confused you, but you were too lost in the moment that you didn't realize the heaviness behind them.

"Follow your dreams, and never regret your actions. Even if one day you were forced to kill a close comrade, do it, without hesitation. Promise me that."

And so you promised.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took me a few days, sorry, I had a lot of work involving college, tests and stuff like that
> 
> So many things I have to explain in the other chapters ahhh, what have I done to myself lol

**Author's Note:**

> hope you liked it so far! This will be like a bunch of scenarios that later on will make a plot. Plus reader will have interactions with other characters also, nothing romantic like, more like friendship bonds and that type of love, I'm a sucker for those


End file.
